Points culminants:  -  Feuilles de Scott son travail de jour
- chemises de Dilbert sautant vers le haut dans les mémoires -
instructions sur choisir les domestiques d'Induhvidual - calendriers
de Dilbert pour 1996 - poupées bourrées de Dilbert et de Dogbert

État De Mode De Dnrc

C'est assez de personnes pour créer un groupe formidable de milice. Mais basé sur mon E-mail, je puis dire que vous êtes un groupe curieux et pas le genre de personnes que je voudrais laisse lâchement avec des lance-flammes.

Je puis l'imaginer maintenant, l'expression le plus souvent entendue avant toute la destruction de la terre: " hé, je me demande si CE??!!" de brûlures

Choix De Votre Propre Domestique D'Induhvidual

Un certain Induhviduals pourrait être réclamé par plus d'un membre régnant de classe de DNRC. Dans ce cas, le membre de DNRC avec les les la plupart des points de mode de DNRC régnera. (voir les bulletins précédents pour des calculs de point ou visitez le site Web de Dilbert.)

En cas d'une cravate, l'Induhvidual en question sera coupé dedans à moitié. Je ne puis pas être plus juste que celui.

Le nombre d'Induhviduals par membre de DNRC dépendra de combien sont laissés au moment de la conquête du monde de Dogbert. Vous obtiendrez tous une part de prorata. (Prorata est une signification latine de limite que qui si vous aimez des rats vous deviennent supplémentaire.)

Au cas où vous Spay ou changer votre Induhviduals?

Si nous obtenons au point où la commande de population d'Induhviduals est nécessaire, je recommande contre la stérilisation chirurgicale. Elle est trop chère. Ils peuvent faire ce que je fais pour sortir de l'humeur -- observez le lac Ricki montrer.

Signe De Secret De Dnrc

disons que vous mettez mille Induhviduals dans une chambre avec mille ordinateurs. Par la chance pure, donnée assez de temps, ils taperaient par la suite à rien quelque parce qu'ils utiliseraient la souris comme pédale de pied.

Maintenant supposons que vous n'alimentez pas l'Induhviduals ou ne les laissez pas hors de la salle. Par la suite ils commenceront à mourir. Un d'eux quille de force plus de sur le clavier, contractent d'une manière extravagante avant d'expirer et tapent accidentellement l'adresse de Gettysburg. Que le bit de la sagesse de faux, combiné avec une salle obscurcie, pourrait vous donner l'impression fallacieuse que l'Induhvidual a eu l'intelligence et les bons regards.

Je pense que vous conviendrez que c'est un problème.

La seule voie d'empêcher du ce tri de chose se produire -- et lui se produit plus souvent que vous penseriez -- est d'avoir un signe de secret de DNRC.

J'invite le génie collectif des membres de DNRC pour suggérer un signe approprié. La personne qui propose la meilleure suggestion sera élevée à DNRC Sainthood. Envoyez ces suggestions à: [email protected] *** TRANSLATION ENDS HERE ***

Risk Assessment

Scott:

I want to be part of Dogbert's New Ruling Class. At first, I thought "Hey, we've got a dog... Why couldn't she be Supreme Ruler of the Earth?" Then I noticed that she mostly digs holes in the back yard and licks her own butt. No sense in betting on the wrong horse. So, sign me up.

B. B.

Least Impressive DNRC Title Yet

"Minister of sitting on the toilet
until my legs have fallen asleep"

DNRC Enemies List

1. Little Billy from Family Circus
2. Satan
3. Snuggles the fabric softener bear
4. Putterman family (new)

I removed Stacy, Goddess of Potatoes, from the list. The threat from her evil cult of potato worshippers is diminishing, thanks to the tireless efforts of the DNRC. In the last newsletter I asked you to consume as many potatoes as possible to limit Stacy's power. The odds were stacked against us until many of you independently realized that Vodka was a potato product.
Stacy never had a chance.

But this victory wasn't without sacrifice, as this report from a DNRC soldier shows:

Subj: Update from the Potato Front Date: Mon, Jul 10, 1995 11:37 AM EST

Mr. Adams:

While vacationing recently with my folks we ventured into a restaurant and (with a mouthful of french fry carcasses in my mouth) I shouted "Death to the Potato People and their evil Goddess Stacy!" My father, with more enthusiasm than insight, proceeded to eat a mouthful of onion rings and shout "Death to the Onion People and their pagan Goddess Edith!"

Needless to say, there is a restaurant in Two Rivers, Wisconsin that we won't be going back to, and my mother (who happens to be named Edith) isn't speaking to either of us.

Warren G.

True Stories of Induhviduals

Subj: Not the red button

Scott, you will find this hard to believe but it is a true story.

When they relocated our offices about 5 years ago, they moved our Technical Group down underneath the steelmaking furnace into the old computer room. On the wall, near the exit from the new 'office' was a big red button, with the accompanying sign

"DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON".

Well, a few months later it became clear that every time the button was pushed, the entire computer system for the furnace went down, causing numerous trouble calls to the computer support team and forcing the operators to operate in manual mode (horrors!) for a few hours.

Pretty bright, huh! Fred is quite an Induhvidual.

Keep up the great work,

Craig

Postscript: Fred has since joined the DNRC. He still hits the button every day, but now it's just for fun.

Best Quality Suggestion

Subj: Dilbert in Milwaukee! To: Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel,

As a pioneering member of the 40,000+ member strong Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC), I would formally like to request a slight reorganization of the Comics page in the Sunday editions of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

You have consistently, possibly unknowingly, printed "The Family Circus" cartoon immediately opposite (that is, on the back of) "Dilbert". This leaves me in the unenviable position of being the lone dork walking into work on Monday mornings with a clipping of, apparently, "The Family Circus". This is an embarrassment not only to me, but to my organization, since "Little Billy from Family Circus" is number one on the "DNRC Enemies List".

Could you possibly swap the position of "The Family Circus" with that of another comic? Maybe with that of "Mary Worth"? Really, most any other comic will do. (Although, we're not, at the moment, fond of "Ziggy" or any other potato-like characters.)

Your cooperation in this matter would be appreciated and would possibly benefit you in the forth-coming age of Dogbert's world domination. If you do this I'll promise to consider you real Team Players.

Thank you for your consideration,

Dave P.

Dogbert Answers My Mail

---

Dear Scott:

What's up with Ratbert? Why is the dinosaur only as big as Dilbert? Why don't your characters ever go to the bathroom?

Jason

---

Dear Jason:

There's nothing that Mister Adams likes more than answering questions like these. It reminds him of his batty grandmother who tortured him throughout his childhood with incessant questions such as "Why do you think they made this jar green? Huh? Huh?"

Mister Adams survived those difficult times by closing his eyes and imagining he was someplace nicer, such as a bamboo cage in a Viet Cong prison.

Mister Adams will respond after he has had some time to savor your questions. Your response will arrive by regular mail in a heavy package with clever references to "wood" in the return address.

Dogbert

---

Dear Scott:

I heard you lost your job at Pacific Bell. We have some openings at my company for administrative assistants. If you can type, send your resume to me and I'll see if I can pull some strings. No promises though.

Allen

---

Dear Allen:

Mister Adams thanks you for your kind offer. Most people either don't realize he is penniless now or they don't care as much as you do. Maybe they are confused by the fact that other cartoonists receive money for their work. Sadly, Mister Adams signed a 99 year syndication deal that pays him only pencil shavings and packing peanuts. In retrospect, it doesn't seem like a good deal.

But don't worry about Mister Adams. He's a survivor. He's already planning his next career as a welfare cheat.

Dogbert

---

Rumors About My Day Job

I volunteered to my boss that I would resign if at any time he felt my costs exceeded my benefits. (The benefits included the positive PR. I get interviewed often.)

This Spring I got a new boss. I reiterated my offer to resign if asked. A few weeks later he asked. The reason given was budget constraints. I kept my word.

It was a local management decision, not a "Pacific Bell" decision from the top. Dilbert reprints are published in the company newsletter.

Was there any Dilbert-related motivation behind my boss asking me to leave? Nothing of that nature was mentioned to me.

My boss's last request of me was "Please don't draw a character with a beard in the strip." (He has a beard.)

Look for a new bearded character later this year.

How will this affect the strip? For the past two years I've relied almost exclusively on theme suggestions from readers. My source of inspiration stays the same. And now I don't have to be Mister Nice Guy.

This is gonna be fun.

I'm not looking for a new "cubicle job."

Sending Ideas for Dilbert

Remember, the best suggestions are theme ideas, not dialog or "gags." I'll do the humor part. I'm most inspired by true examples of idiotic management and clueless business practices. The best suggestions tend to be the ones that can be expressed in a paragraph or less. I like anything that can finish the sentence "Have you ever notice that some idiot always....?"

Some parts of your messages may be quoted by me for articles, books or interviews. They will be paraphrased if I think it's necessary to conceal the identity of the author or to condense a story. I never disclose names.

Send suggestions to me, not a reply to the newsletter address. I'm at [email protected]. And your best bet is to wait at least two weeks from receiving the newsletter, because I get about a thousand messages a day in that period.

Thanks!

***************** General Dilbert Facts *******************

The cartoon strip Dilbert began in 1989. It now appears in over 550 papers in 15 countries.

The author (that would be me) receives over 200 e-mail messages per day. I read all of my e-mail personally. If you get a canned response, or no response at all, it just means my fingers are tired or I need to get some sleep. I love you, really. Nobody else reads my mail. I don't have an assistant. If you ask multiple questions I often answer the one I like.

Despite what you've heard, I don't work at your company. I worked at Crocker Bank in San Francisco from 1979 to 1986, then Pacific Bell from 1986 to June 1995, mostly in various engineering groups. But I'm not an engineer by education; I did the MBA thing.

I am not your high school friend of the same name. I did not author the Scott Adams Adventure Games for computers. I did not go to your school. The person you know is not my relative. I am not your ex-husband. We were not childhood friends.

Dilbert is not gaining weight.

There is no particular reason that neither Dilbert nor Dogbert have obvious mouths.

The most frequently asked question is "Why does Dilbert's tie curl up like that?" The answer is either A) It's a metaphor for his inability to control his environment or B) He's just glad to see you.

The boss character has no name. I like it that way.

Dilbert Store on the Web

Printing, Copying, Reprinting, Licensing of Dilbert

Dilbert Books

"Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons" (a compilation of the first year), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1758-6)

"Clues for the Clueless" from Andrews and McMeel. It's new material on the subject of manners using the Dilbert cast. (ISBN 0-8362-1737-3)

"Shave the Whales" (a compilation of the second year of Dilbert), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1740-3)

"Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy" (a compilation covering 10/5/90 through 5/18/91.), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1779-9)

"It's Obvious You Won't Survive By Your Wits Alone" (a compilation covering 5/19/91 to 12/13/92), Andrews and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-0415-8) Due in stores this Fall.

Check with any bookstore. If that fails, call the publisher directly at 800-826-4216 and order by mail. (International callers use +1-816-932-6700)

Dilbert Calendars for 1996

• Page A Day - "Ask Me How My Day Went"
  Andrews & McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7283-8)
• Desk Calendar - "It's A Trap!"
  Andrews & McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7299-4)
• Wall Calendar - "The Dilbert Zone"
  Day Dream Publishing (ISBN 1-57081-934-3)

Dilbert Business Videos:

"Talk About Change!":

A 15 minute training video featuring an expert on change, interspersed with animated Dilbert clips. The video comes with a Leader's Guide, Workbooks and 10 overhead transparencies.

"Dilbert Gets Reengineered":

A 5 minute look at what people really think about change.

Cohen/Gebler Associates has created a set of short animated Dilbert business videos for meetings, workshops and presentations. The videos are based closely on themes from the strip. They're used primarily as ice breakers.

Six titles are currently available:

• Dilbert on Quality
• Dilbert on Managing Change
• Dilbert Does Sales
• Dilbert Does Meetings
• Just the Breaks #1 (Mingling Groups)
• Just the Breaks #2 (110%).

Cohen/Gebler Associates also develop custom programs featuring Dilbert for internal company communications, e.g.:

• Employee training
• Internal communications
• Employee meetings/events

Dilbert Dolls, T-Shirts, Sweatshirts and Mugs from Signals:

*** Dilber and Dogbert stuffed dolls ***

Dilbert: Item # 44737
Dogbert: Item # 44738

Design: "Technology -- No Place for Wimps"

T-Shirt: Item # 42080 Sweat Shirt: Item # 42079 Mug: Item # 44892

Dilbert Shirts from Quality Classics:

Dilbert Screen Savers

Online Dilbert Sources

http://umweb1.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert

If you're a company interested in advertising on the Dilbert web pages, send e-mail to [email protected] (put "Web ad" in the subject line) or call 800-221-4816 (international callers dial +1-212-293-8500).

(50 DNRC status points if you get somebody to put a link to the Dilbert web page from another web site)

About the Dilbert List

I'm using a "List Server" system to automate this process. So this newsletter will come to you from a different e-mail address than my personal one. Don't "reply" to the newsletter address please.

The frequency of the Dilbert Newsletter is approximately "whenever I feel like it" which should be about three or four times a year.

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I can't send back issues by e-mail, for reasons you wouldn't believe if I told you.

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