État De Mode De Dnrc

Mais ne vous inquiétez pas, cela part toujours bien plus de 5 milliards de personnes pour effectuer notre travail menial après que Dogbert conquière la planète et asservisse tous les non éléments de circuit. Commencez à remonter votre liste du travail maintenant.

Nommez les personnes de Non-DNRC

Leur nom devrait sembler inoffensif et endearing mais avoir une double signification intelligente. Par exemple, nous pourrions les appeler " potiron " à leurs visages, puis murmurons "... la tête " sous notre souffle tout en effaçant nos gorges.

Ou nous pourrions les appeler des " boulettes ", parce que vous ne pouvez pas dire la boulette sans " duh. "

J'imprimerai la meilleure suggestion dans le prochain bulletin. Et la personne qui suggère le nom de gain sera élevée à DNRC Sainthood.

(note: Mes exemples étaient intentionnellement non-drôles pour pour ne pas décourager votre participation en vous accablant avec mes propres suggestions professionnelles. Je pourrais faire bien mieux. Je suis dos juste de possession. Je ne suis pas défensif. Laissez-moi seul. Cessez de me toucher.)

Nouvelle maison de Dilbert sur l'Internet

Dilbert s'est déplacé à son propre Home Page sur le World Wide Web, courtoisie des medias unis. Voici l'adresse:

http://umweb1.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert

     Voici ce qui vous trouverez le
==================================================== - dessin animé
de Dilbert du jour (un retard de semaine) - préhistoire de Dilbert --
rejets tôt - excursion de photo de la façon dont je crée des
archives de Dilbert - de bulletin de Dilbert - des instructions sur
joindre la nouvelle classe de régner de Dogbert - descriptions de
caractère de Dilbert.  - photos tôt de moi (peut effrayer les
enfants en bas âge)
====================================================

Préférence Pionnière

Enchantez votre friend(s) avec des histoires au sujet de la façon dont votre premier bulletin vous a été livré au-dessus d'un modem de six bauds et avez rempli votre disque dur 1K entier. **time-out** chanceux, vous capable pour récrire operating système d'exploitation votre ordinateur pour faire pièce, créer un nouveau exécution système appeler " Dogbert operating système d'exploitation " (DOS pour short) qui tard adapter son shareware version dans quelque chose commercial par un étrange type avec verre qui garder arrêter autour votre maison ainsi pouvoir rencontrer votre soeur.

Liste D'Ennemis De Dnrc

1. Petit Billy de cirque de famille
2. Satan
3. Styliste de cheveux de Marcia Clark

Chasse À Sorcière

Un des choses ils ne vous enseignent pas que à l'école d'affaires est ce qui à faire quand votre compagnie commence à ressembler à une présentation horizontale sur microfilm. Je devine que les cadres aux associés d'ordinateur ont figuré que la meilleure modalité de reprise devait chercher l'auteur du comique et le punir. Cela devrait améliorer le moral. *** TRANSLATION ENDS HERE ***

In recent published reports I've also been described variously as an employee of Hewlett-Packard, AT&T and Pacific Gas and Electric. And I've been rumored to have links with most of the aerospace companies.

I think what's really happening in all of these companies is that disgruntled employees are starting rumors just to tweak management. Try starting the rumor that the author of Dilbert works at your company -- it's worth 50 points in the DNRC and it's more fun than scanning a photo of your butt and pasting it at the top of your new org chart. (So I've heard.)

Origin of Bob the Dinosaur

Dawn is skilled at moving quietly among humans without detection, which is why you rarely see her anymore. But Bob has to compensate for his poor stealth qualities by wearing tennis shoes to soften his footsteps.

So you see, it all makes perfect sense.

Complaint of Sexism in Dilbert and the DNRC

---

"Dear Mr. Adams:

OK, I love the strip, etc., but in the strip and in the newsletter the assumption seems to be that it's guys talking to guys. I.e., the rights of saints include:

The right to relieve yourself in the parking lot of any mall The right to call any non-Saint "Big Guy", as in "How's it goin' Big Guy?"

That cuts out 51% of your readers, you know what I mean? I'm not asking for political correctness here, but there *are* women in the computer industry and lots of them read your stuff. I'm just asking for a little awareness."

---

I even paid my neighbor's maid to support my story. But the whole plan started to fall apart when Johnnie Cochran refused to handle my case because he "...didn't want to associate with a person like me."

My second plan was to scratch myself in a socially unacceptable manner and then spit. But I was sitting in my studio at the time and I figured that this insightful and biting satire would be totally wasted on my cats.

Eventually my denial impulse subsided. I decided to plead guilty and mend my sexist ways. As a sign of my new enlightenment I have revised the rights of saints to be more gender-sensitive:

1. The right to relieve yourself in the parking lot of the mall, but only after waiting in a long line.
2. The right to call any non-Saint "Beverly."

Dogbert Answers My Mail

---

Mr. Adams:

I was perusing a forwarded copy of your Dilbert newsletter (v.4) and noticed two instances where you used "lay" when you should have used "lie." This is one of my biggest pet peeves, and it distresses me no end that a talented (and influential) cartoonist such as yourself should fall victim to this pernicious grammatical faux pas. Please be more careful in the future.

--m

p.s. I am not a crackpot.

---

Dogbert responds:

Dear Crackpot,

Sounds like you need to get lied.

Dogbert

---

Mr. Adams:

We are students at Dartmouth. We keep reading your strip and can't find any humor there. Is it supposed to be funny or autobiographical or what?

-- Timmy and Ron

---

Dogbert responds:

Dear Timmy and Ron,

I hope you have athletic scholarships.

Dogbert

---

Best "P.S." of the Year

Thanks for Dilbert. He's often the only worthwhile reason for buying the Sunday paper.

Dave

P.S. My name really isn't Dave. I've changed my name to the symbol that looks like the word "Dave." I prefer to be addressed as "The guy formerly known as Dave, who is now known as the symbol which looks like the word 'Dave' (but really isn't the word Dave.)"

My new name is starting to cause some confusion. I think, in part, because the pronunciation of my new name - the symbol that looks like the word "Dave" - does not sound like the word "Dave" at all.

Unfortunately, my new name is pronounced differently depending on who is addressing me. The exact pronunciation also depends on the season and the temperature, but I usually don't get mad at mispronunciations unless someone makes absolutely no attempt at all to pronounce my name correctly.

Fortunately for you, Scott, the pronunciation of the symbol that looks like the word "Dave" is exactly the same as the word Dave, even when its really hot or cold outside. Of course, since this is e-mail, all this pronunciation stuff doesn't really matter.

Sending Ideas for Dilbert

Remember, the best suggestions are theme ideas, not dialog or "gags." I'll do the humor part. I'm most inspired by true examples of idiotic management and clueless business practices. The best suggestions tend to be the ones that can be expressed in a paragraph or less.

Send them to me, not a reply to the newsletter address. I'm at [email protected]. Thanks!

***************** General Dilbert Facts *******************

I read all of my e-mail personally. But obviously I've automated many responses. If you get a canned response it just means my fingers are tired. I love you, really.

Despite what you've heard, I don't work at your company (unless your company is Pacific Bell, where I work in the ISDN lab).

The most frequently asked question is "Why does Dilbert's tie curl up like that?" The answer is either A) It's a metaphor for his inability to control his environment or B) He's just glad to see you.

Printing, Copying, Reprinting, Licensing, of Dilbert

Dilbert Books

"Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons" (a compilation of the first year), Andrews & McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1758-6)

"Clues for the Clueless" from Andrews and McMeel. It's new material on the subject of manners using the Dilbert cast. (ISBN 0-8362-1737-3)

"Shave the Whales" -- a compilation of the second year of Dilbert, Andrews & McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1740-3)

"Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy" -- a compilation covering 10/5/90 through 5/18/91. Due in bookstores around May 1995. (ISBN 0-8362-1779-9)

Check with any bookstore. If that fails, call the publisher directly at 800-826-4216 and order by mail. (International callers use 01-816-932-6700)

Dilbert Business Videos:

Six titles are currently available: 

    - Dilbert on Quality
    - Dilbert on Managing Change 
    - Dilbert Does Sales
    - Dilbert Does Meetings
    - Just the Breaks #1 (Mingling Groups)
    - Just the Breaks #2 (110%).

Call 1-800-208-3535 for more information. (International callers use 01-617-262-4242)

Dilbert Shirts and Mugs from Signals:

- Signals Catalog at 800-663-9994 
  (International callers dial 01-612-659-4312)

     Mug:          St. Dogbert drives out demons of stupidity
     T-Shirt:      St. Dogbert drives out demons of stupidity
     Sweat Shirt:  St. Dogbert drives out demons of stupidity

Dilbert Shirts from Quality Classics:

Dilbert Screen Savers

Online Dilbert Sources

• America Online (older daily strips) (Keyword: Dilbert)
• World Wide Web (NEW!!!)

  http://umweb1.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert

About the Dilbert List

I'm using a "List Server" system to automate this process. So this newsletter will come to you from a different e-mail address than my personal one. Don't "reply" to the newsletter address please.

The frequency of the Dilbert Newsletter is approximately "whenever I feel like it", which should be about three or four times a year.

How to Subscribe Automatically

Address:  [email protected]
Subject:  Dilbert
Message:  subscribe Dilbert_List Joe Blow
                   
    (except put your real name instead of Joe Blow). 

Confirmation might take a few days. If the automatic method doesn't work for you, send me a note at [email protected] and I'll put you on manually.

Unsubscribing

unsubscribe Dilbert_List

Getting Old Newsletters

Address:  [email protected]
Subject:  Dilbert
Message:  get dilbert_list newsletter_1.0 

But the best way is to visit the Dilbert web site if you have a web browser.
See above.

Problems Signing Up for the Newsletter

If you got a strange message saying you can't change your password, ignore vit. The password isn't useful in this application.

Reprinting This Newsletter