:  Nouvelle Classe De Régner De Dogbert (Dnrc) De:  Date De
Scott Adams:  Janvier 1999

  Points culminants:

  

    - Mise à jour D'Exposition De TV
    - Contes Vrais D'Induhviduals

  

Enfin, le Dilbert a animé des debuts d'exposition de télévision sur UPN à 8 P.M. lundi, le 25 janvier imaginent votre d'embarras mardi matin si vous êtes la seule personne sur terre qui manque le premier épisode; ne le laissez pas arriver à vous.

Si votre fournisseur local de câble ne porte pas UPN, vous pourriez devoir organiser un certain tri de protestation. Est la forme la plus pertinente de la protestation ce que j'appelle Self-Immolation virtuel. C'est semblable à l'individu-immolation avec la distinction importante que vous placez quelqu'un d'autre sur le feu au lieu de vous-même.

Il pourrait sembler difficile de trouver des volontaires pour se placer sur le feu en votre nom, mais vous pouvez le faire si vous suivez ces deux étapes simples:

1. Développez une ligne de parfum faite entièrement de fluide plus léger.
2. Louez une température pour se tenir sur le trottoir devant votre fournisseur TV par câble et personnes locaux de jet qui marchent au delà.

**time-out** majeure partie peuple qui assaillir avec votre nouveau ligne parfum simple maudire votre température et hâte loin pour nettoyer eux-mêmes hors fonction. Mais certains de ces piétons seront des fumeurs de cigarette, ayant pour résultat les aérolithes humains impressionnants. Demandez à votre température pour chanter, " NOUS VEULENT UPN " au temps exact que votre aérolithe humain crie en douleur. Ceci donnera l'impression que c'est toute la partie de la même démonstration. Je ne sais pas si ceci fera porter votre fournisseur de câble UPN, mais il n'y a aucun mal dans l'essai.

Et si ce n'est pas trop d'ennui, prière de ce bulletin à n'importe qui qui pourrait vouloir pour observer le Dilbert TV montrer.

La TV Montrent Factoids

Puisque je sais que vous êtes un groupe curieux de personnes (un signe sûr d'une intelligence plus élevée) je donnez ces réponses avant que vous demandiez:

A. Je ne sais pas quand l'exposition de Dilbert sera disponible en dehors des Etats-Unis.

B. Je suis très impliqué dans la partie créatrice de l'exposition, y compris les séquences type et le bâti de voix.

C. Dilbert et Dogbert ont saisi des bouches, parce qu'il serait difficile d'observer animation sans mouvement de bouche. J'ai décidé de ce que j'appelle " technique de la bouche disparaissante stupéfiante ". Les bouches apparaîtront quand elles parlent et disparaissent quand elles sont silencieuses. Vous ne noterez rien étrange quand vous l'observez.

D. Les acteurs qui font les voix principales sont:

Dilbert: Poupe De Daniel
Dogbert: Chris Elliot
Alice: Kathy Griffin
Patron: Larry Miller
Wally: Chasse À Gordon
Dilmom: Jackie Hoffman

E. Je suis très heureux avec lui jusqu'ici.

Suggestion De Prank

Cet état de prank d'un employé de DNRC est aussi détourné qu'il humilie à la victime. Je le recommande.

" avril dupe le jour, avec l'aide de mes filles, j'a appelé mon épouse dans la salle et a excitedly annoncé que j'avais découvert que notre nouvel ordinateur de multimédia a eu un récepteur de FM construit dans lui. Cependant, j'avais des ennuis avec la réception, parce que l'antenne (réellement le microphone) a été placée inexactement. Si elle aiderait juste, je pourrais obtenir probablement ceci pour fonctionner.

Dans des minutes j'ai eu sa position sur le bureau avec elle des bras étirés dehors dans la mesure où elle a pu, et par intermittence touchant son doigt à son nez (" étroit la boucle "). Ma plus jeune fille a dû partir de la salle d'éviter de donner le bâillon loin en riant. Par la suite j'ai annoncé que nous obtenions quelque chose. J'ai alors joué un fichier sain enregistré qui a proclamé, ' imbécile d'avril, Mom! ' " *** TRANSLATION ENDS HERE ***

Dilbert Banned

I just received this alarming report:

"I wanted to let you know that the Oklahoma Department of Corrections has banned all Dilbert cartoons from employees' offices because they consider them 'hostile' since they 'make fun of management.'"

This report raises many troubling questions:

1. When the Department of Corrections makes a mistake, who corrects them? Is there another Department for that, and if so, what are they called?
2. If your job involves forcing crazed murderers into small containers until they are really, really mad at you, can you make yourself safer by reducing your exposure to comics?
3. If inmates read Dilbert comics, will they begin to appreciate the congenial atmosphere of prison life, thus leading to an increase in recidivism?
4. Why does recidivism appear to be spelled incorrectly? And why doesn't the Department Of Corrections do something about it?

True Tales Of Induhviduals

Those Induhviduals continue to inspire us with their tales of Induhviduality. Here are the latest reports from the field.

Tale 1:

"I was watching the local news this morning when the anchor reported that the police had arrested two suspects for an extremely brutal murder in our area. The reporter stood there with a straight face and said that the District Attorney's office was going for the death penalty because they had proof that the victim was alive just moments before his death."

Tale 2:

This sign was spotted in a fabric warehouse in Wells (South England):

"Ceiling Fans in Operation. Please be careful when lifting small children."

Editor: Maybe it's just me, but that sign seems vague. For example, the guidelines are completely silent on the handling of larger children and pets. And I am left wondering if it's okay to fling small children into the ceiling fan with a catapult as long as you don't do any "lifting."

Tale 3:

Allegedly overheard at the pharmacy:

"Do you think that I gave my wife the yeast infection? Because a couple of days ago, I drank a few beers and then had sex with her."

Editor: Yes, I know it sounds like an urban legend, but it's still funny.

Tale 4:

This one is part True Tale and part Wise-Ass Comment:

I was standing in a lobby gazing out the glass door. A woman came up behind me and began to talk to me as if she knew me. I turned around, she stopped, startled, and said, "Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else."

I said, "I am."

Tale 5:

I bought a microphone for singing, which I returned to the store after trying it out (according to their policy). The salesperson asked me why I was returning it, and I told her that I was returning it because it didn't work properly. She responded, "Did you open it?"

Tale 6:

One day my (now ex-) wife called the Help Desk at the hospital that I worked at to tell them that I had left my pager at home that day. She was not sure where I was at the time, and figured the Help Desk would track me down to tell me to go home to get my pager. The Help Desk paged me with the Help Desk extension displayed.

She then called the Help Desk again, and told them that the pager was in her hand, and that paging me was pointless, since it was not on my person. They paged me again, with my home number, to tell me that my wife had my pager.

Tale 7:

I am a reference librarian. I had an Induhvidual come up to me yesterday wanting help finding Internet sites for her class project. She found the perfect site the day before, but being an Induhvidual, did not bookmark it or write down the URL. So, the question I got was, "I need to find that web page with a yellow background that I found on this computer yesterday."

Tale 8:

I recently had trouble with my cellular service. I called the Support Hotline and waited thirty minutes for a human response. The tech asked the make and model of my phone. I informed the tech that I could see no model number on the phone. He said, "Take the battery off and look inside. The model number is printed there." I said if I take the battery out, I'll lose the connection. He said, "That's okay. I'll hold."

Tale 9:

A customer called me the other day to complain that the contract delivery people had scratched her countertop, and that the delivery company would not accept the damage claim because the customer's maid had signed a form stating the damage was pre-existing. The customer told me her maid Maria neither read nor wrote English and would not have realized what it was she was signing. When I called the delivery company to press home this point, they replied, "The maid must have known what she was signing because she signed her name in English".

At that point I was at a loss for words.

Tale 10:

There's this Induhvidual in my office who got a new PC that has a blank-screen screensaver that comes up after about twenty minutes without activity. Returning from lunch the first day, he was aghast to find his monitor "not working." So he gave it the good old-fashioned whack on the side. Lo and behold, the vibrations carried to the mouse and his monitor "worked"!!

Now, every day, on returning from lunch, he fixes the "loose connection" in his monitor with a whack.

=================================================

Dilbert Product Information

Gibson Greetings...the adult toys you can take to work! Gibson Greetings has recently released a line of Dilbert office novelty products including a Boss Voodoo Doll, a Cubicle Doorbell, and Silly Slammers of the whole Dilbert gang!

Many new products are available in The Dilbert Store
(http://www.umstore.com/dilbert), including animated spiral bookends (http://www.umstore.com/dilbert/inventory.htx?item=2601-12013).

For a complete list of available Dilbert products, send e-mail to:
[email protected] in this format:

Subject Line: Products
Message:       Products

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