:  Nouvelle Classe De Régner De Dogbert (Dnrc) De:  Date De
Scott Adams:  Mars 1998

 Points culminants:  - Histoires vraies d'exposition
  d'Induhviduals - de Dilbert TV la saison prochaine
  - secrets de l'univers
  

État De Mode De Dnrc

Le DNRC est les membres 185.000 forts. **time-out** pour mettre ce énorme nombre dans perspective, 184.999 plus que total nombre empire état bâtiment! Si Dogbert devaient conquérir la planète aujourd'hui, nous chacun aurions environ 32.000 domestiques personnels. C'est plus qu'assez pour le soin de jardin et le service de boisson. C'est assez d'domestiques pour construire une pyramide pour chaque membre du DNRC. Si vous vous réunissez avec quelques autres membres de DNRC que vous aurez assez d'domestiques pour établir quelque chose qui durera les âges, tels que le grand mur de Poughkeepsie.

Votre grande base d'domestique vous permettra d'obtenir des réponses à beaucoup de questions qui vont actuel sans réponse. **time-out** par exemple, let's parole vous reposer autour sipping fin vin avec autre DNRC membre et un vous dire, je demander combien personne prendre fouille un Panama Canal-kinda-chose dans un année utiliser seulement minuscule truelle? Vous ne devez pas que supporter le malaise de la curiosité. Commande juste il fait. Reposez-vous alors en arrière et surveillez le progrès à l'aide des satellites d'espion qui rayonnent les images croquantes à votre montre-bracelet de TV. Alternativement, vous pouvez juste attendre une année les résultats. Il n'y a aucune vraie raison pour que vous observiez des personnes avec les truelles minuscules à votre télévision de montre-bracelet. L'une ou l'autre voie, quand elle est faite, vous aurez appris quelque chose de nouveau. C'est ce qui compte.

Le Prochain Livre De Dilbert Hardcover

Le prochain livre de hardcover de Dilbert est dû dehors en automne. Je travaille à lui maintenant. Si vous voudriez faire inclure votre E-mail dans lui, je recherche de brèves et amusantes histoires sur ces sujets de lieu de travail:

- les meilleures voies de contrôler votre patron

- les meilleures voies de s'amuser aux dépens des collègues

- les meilleures voies de feindre pour travailler

- pranks de bureau et plaisanteries pratiques

Envoyez-les à [email protected]. Je n'imprime jamais des noms avec les messages de E-mail, ainsi vous n'obtiendrez pas célèbre ou mis le feu. Ou compensé. Mais vous pourriez obtenir de dire que vous étiez co-auteur d'un livre bestselling. Ce tri de chose semble bon sur un résumé. C'est la même voie que Hemingway obtient commencé -- par envoyer le E-mail aux réalisateurs de dessins animés.

Contes Vrais D'Induhviduals

N'importe qui qui n'est pas un membre de DNRC est, par notre définition, un Induhvidual, destiné pour devenir un domestique personnel après changement de Dogbert. Prétendument les états vrais suivants d'Induhviduals sont un rappel que le système du gouvernement actuel ne peut pas durer beaucoup plus longtemps.

Apercevoir #1

La compagnie que je travaille pour s'est surpassée avec son programme de qualité plus récent. Le slogan de kickoff était " let's QAP il. " Ils veulent également passer en revue tous nos processus et quand un processus rencontre certaines directives il obtiendront un timbre d'" QAP " de l'approbation.

Il y a les champions égaux de QAP pour chaque service. Chacun qui a entendu ce QAP est tombé au-dessus de rire et ne peut pas croire qu'ils l'appellent cela. Je devine qu'ils l'appellent ce qui est il.

Apercevoir #2

Ma petite amie et moi avons juste rapproché dans une nouvelle maison. Ne sachant pas le programme pour la collecte d'ordures, elle a appelé les gens locaux de détritus pour obtenir l'information. **time-out** dû un en quelque sorte Induhvidualistic management décision de gestion, pair adresser dans notre zone obtenir ordure collecte sur un jour, mais impair adresser obtenir collecte sur un autre jour.

Le réceptionniste a demandé à ma petite amie sa adresse de rue. Ma petite amie a donné elle, 772, et le réceptionniste dit, " juste un moment. " **time-out** dans fond pouvoir entendre, " si dernier nombre dans un adresse égal, qui faire nombre égal, droit? " *** TRANSLATION ENDS HERE ***

Sighting #3
-----------

I'm standing in line at the P.O., and there's a matronly lady in front of me at the counter. She tells the clerk she wants to buy some 32 cent stamps. The clerk says he can give her a book of 20 or a roll of 100. She asks, "How much is the roll?" The clerk looks at her and says, without a trace of sarcasm, "Thirty-two dollars." Then the lady gasps and says, "Thirty-two dollars? For STAMPS!?"

And we wonder why postal workers get disgruntled...

Sighting #4
-----------

I was at a major chain store this weekend. After finishing shopping, I was loading my van with the products when an Induhvidual stopped at the next car. She had a shopping cart loaded with several large Rubbermaid storage containers.

After successfully loading the first in her trunk, she found the rest would not fit. After placing one in her passenger seat, she still had four or five left. She started muttering to herself (very loudly) about not being able to fit all of these containers in her car. Noticing that the containers had a taper to them, I suggested she take the lids off, stack them inside each other, and place the lids in the open top. Her response was, "Oh, can you do that?" I really wanted to reply, "No, but I won't tell the cops if you won't."

Sighting #5
-----------

Overheard at Walgreens drugstore in lower San Francisco on Sunday:

Uptight woman rushes in and cuts in front of me in line.

Woman: "Do you have the New York Times?"

Cashier: "Uh yeah, it's four hours ahead."

(substantial pause)

Woman: "It's THREE hours ahead, and I mean the newspaper!"

Sighting #6
-----------

Eight people in our office (250+ company) work flextime schedule and must sign in and out.

Today the black felt tip pen to sign the timesheet log disappeared. The Induhvidual replaced it, complaining and mumbling. The new pen disappeared two hours later. The Induhvidual then blurted out, "I'm going to fingerprint the next pen that disappears to find out who is taking it!!"

Sighting #7
-----------

A friend of mine is a street performer. One night he was performing in Boston's Fanueil Hall. When he got to the place in his routine where he juggles flaming torches, a cop came up to him and informed him that he needed a special permit to work with fire. My friend passed his hand quickly through the flames and said, "It's OK, this is just stage fire." The cop was satisfied with this and walked off.

DNRC Solutions To Induhvidual-Caused Problems

This field report tells you everything you need to know about the quality of the legal system:

A while back I got a subpoena for jury duty. I received a form to fill out and an envelope to send it back in. The form said I had to send it back in the envelope, but the envelope was too small. It also said not to fold the form. So I solved the problem by crumpling the form into a little ball and smashing it flat with a book. That was about four years ago and I haven't been called to jury duty since.

Tech Support For Induhviduals

This tech support tip is based on a true story:

Problem: My keyboard is missing all its keys!

Solution: Turn it over.

DNRC Wise-Ass Comments

Have you baffled an Induhvidual with your wise and witty verbal skills? If so, let me know. Here's a true report from a sharp witted member:

When entering Australia, I was asked by a customs official as a part of Port of Entry Procedure, "Do you have a criminal record?" I responded, "I didn't know you still needed one to get in."

Cities Change Names

In a previous Dilbert Newsletter I printed an Induhvidual sighting involving a Wal-Mart in Blacksburg, Virginia. Many people wrote to tell me that there is no Wal-Mart in Blacksburg. The closest one is in Christiansburg.

Since the original report came directly from a DNRC member, there are only two explanations:

1. A DNRC member is fallible.

or...

2. Blacksburg and Christiansburg have switched names.

Obviously the cities switched names. I do not know if Wal-Mart is behind this deception, but I will research it further and get back to each of you personally with my answer.

Dilbert TV Show Next Season

Dilbert will become an animated primetime show for the UPN network sometime during the 1998/99 season (date to be determined). The Executive Producer is Larry Charles, Emmy-winning writer from Seinfeld. More recently he was Executive Producer of Mad About You. The studio is Sony's Columbia Pictures Television. I'm working with Larry and his writing staff to create the scripts. We'll have voices picked by early April.

I know, I know, I know that many of you will have strong feelings about the voices. But I'll be personally involved with the writing and voice casting, so you can be sure that at least you'll get what the author intends. The thing that matters most is that the voices are consistent with the personalities of the character. Any voice will seem jarring at first, but if we do this right, the feeling will pass. That's the plan.

Recommended Reading

Many people who read my book, "The Dilbert Future," wrote to ask about additional reading on some of the strange topics I mentioned in the last chapter. If you haven't read the book, this will sound strange, but the topics include Quantum physics, psychic phenomena, and something called affirmations. If you like that kind of stuff, here are two books you have to read:

"Schrodinger's Kittens and the Search for Reality," by John Gribbin, Ph.D. It's about quantum physics, time, space, and the nature of reality. It's written for non-scientists. If my discussion of the double slit experiment interested you, here's where you can find more on that and related topics.

"The Conscious Universe," by Dean Radin, Ph.D. It's a comprehensive discussion of the scientific study of psychic phenomena. You'll be surprised at what the scientists have found in controlled, replicable experiments.

Here are some books on the subject of affirmations. I haven't read any of them. These were suggested to me by Dilbert readers. I offer them without opinion.

I think -- but I'm not certain -- that the book on affirmations that I said I couldn't remember the name of in "The Dilbert Future," was "I Deserve Love," by Sondra Ray. Subtitle: "How Affirmations Can Guide You to Personal Fulfillment."

The two "classics" on the subject are "Creative Visualization," by Shakti Gawain, and "Think and Grow Rich," by Napoleon Hill.

Julia Cameron's recent books, "The Artist's Way" (with Mark Bryan) and "The Vein of Gold," have sections on the affirmations process.

Larry Block (the well known mystery writer) has a long section on affirmations in his "Write for Your Life."

Ideas For Dilbert

Thanks!

Dilbert Product Information and Slashed Prices

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You can go to the licensee area to see a variety of Dilbert products. You can also order selected Dilbert products, including items sold exclusively online, directly from the online Dilbert Store. The Spring Clearance Sale is going on now until mid-April, with prices slashed on many items and a free mini Dilbert or mini Dogbert plush doll with every order. Place your order now while supplies last!

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